Anonymous said: I'm really old school like the guy opening doors for me getting cute letters being offered his coat when its cold not that I've experienced any of that yet or more i'm just in love with the thought of it i think people in society have lost sight in what truly matters in relationships and i don't want my first relationship to be with someone who thinks relationships are all about sex and the other persons happiness and the relationship isn't their main concern. are my expectations way too high?
High, no. Misguided? God yes.
There’s nothing wrong with personally wanting a relationship that is less sex-heavy and more based on traditional romance.
But the idea of people “losing sight of what’s important”, especially when the “importance” you’ve described is a very, very problematic, archaic, and outdated system… I just can’t condone that.
Being nice to your partners is important. But the idea of chivalry is dead, and with good reason.
When I was in my first year of university, I took a women’s studies class for an elective. In one of our lectures we discussed the idea of chivalry. One of the girls said, “well I mean, I believe in equality, but I feel like the guy should pay for dinner because he’s the guy.” And what my prof responded with has stuck with me until this very day:
"Would you rather be treated like a Princess, or taken seriously as a woman?"
Chivalry came about as an idea that women couldn’t do things for themselves. That they couldn’t work, or lift heavy doors. And while opening a door for someone isn’t always coming with that connotation, saying you want guys to open doors for you is buying into that idea.
Opening a door for someone is just a nice thing to do. Thusly why it should be done by everyone, for everyone, and never as an obligation based on sexist assumptions.
If you don’t want a sex focused relationship, that’s absolutely fine. But don’t act like people who do have “lost their way.” That’s honestly just really patronizing. All it is is a personal preference.